Monday, September 12, 2005

Magnus Fetch (12:37:15 AM): it better not involve anything ridiculous about me or rabbits
eye kay Bonset (12:37:28 AM): fuck that jef!
Magnus Fetch (12:37:42 AM): oh, you bastard

Ladies and Gentlemen of the scientific community, welcome. As you all are no doubt aware I, Peter "Zoological Supernova" Lorenz M.D., have finally caught on film the rare Indiana Hatted Jefalope. It wasn't as difficult a task as I had assumed (read: Collected Bulk Emails of the Zoological Supernova circa 1987-1988). I recall early evaluations of time and funds as being staggeringly huge. Almost despite them fate, the scientific impossibility, seemed to drive my hands directly to this beautiful leporidae. Then to a bottle of Sandeman.
It was a saturday afternoon and I had just finished breakfast. I was watching some fair and balanced reporting for a while. It helps me to digest eggs you see. After seeing that all is well in my great land I grabbed my fanny pack and sweet nokia camera phone and set off. The largely untamed wilderness of Cullowhee North Carolina was my destination this day as you can all see on the "ZS tracker folio" included in your goodie bag. Sun rays beat down on me endlessly as I bounded over logs as quietly as I could. We have known for years that the rare hare is attracted to bounding and leaping. I've speculated many times on the rational for this (read: "My Time in Milwakee: a good look into dark holes" and "10 Times You! the card game handbook").
I'll say now that I was wrong many times but correct on one thing, the Jefalope is attracted to about five bucks. Upon the completion of what would have been a award winning leap I was accosted by the very creature I have been trying all these years to locate. It was a young male. Largely brown yielding to pale yellow towards its belly and hind. Also it wore a large hat, possibly from Louisiana. He announced that he had no intention of hurting me but if I didn't give him a "fiver" he would "gnaw my brain out". I offered a deal. One photograph for twelve pesos. You see, I only carry foreign cash due to the relative recentness of the stock market crash. Anyway he accepted, was photographed then tragically killed in a freak guitar accident that I will haunt me forever.
Any questions?


Blogger santoritimes said...

I hope you get sodomized by several, several bears.

10:51 PM  
Blogger santoritimes said...

that picture of me is too cute for my fury

10:51 PM  
Blogger Peter said...

I may get a chance to photograph another magical creature later. Maybe. hur hur hur...

8:37 AM  

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